Just how many times does Liz have to go through the emotional roller coaster ride with Adam#2. I don’t know how to help other than to listen when she is in need. At least that is what I always thought, but now just listening is getting old, and there comes a time when you choose to be on the roller coaster or choose to get off. My words to her now are supportive but straight and to the point. How many different ways does she have to be abused? No, it isn’t physical, but that doesn’t mean it is not harming her psyche.

I was watching television and I believe it was on Wedding Date where I heard the line, or something to the effect Women have exactly the kind of relationship they want . I told Liz that tonight and she didn’t say much to it. I don’t know how to get through to her other than to be harsh. No more sugar coating it. It’s time to move on. I can’t make her take the steps, but I will no longer sit silenty while she chooses wrong.



There are so many parent bloggers out there and almost all of them post such happy feelings and life events, so my thought is – what’s wrong with me? (more…)

I love the calls that start out “are you busy?” What is a mother supposed to say? Geoff and I are on vacation yet the calls come (beautiful isn’t it!). Okay,  first thing I thought something’s wrong, but she corrected me. She just wanted to talk. Wow, a call with no crisis behinid it, even on vacation thaat is a welcomed conversation.

She had a meeting with her boss. She got a two dollar an hour raise, and will be eligible for health insurance in 60 days. From no job, to two jobs, to more money and health insurance. Such a good feeling knowing your child is headed in the right direction!

Now, as for Jeff; who knows where he is headed. He hasn’t mentioned being arrested nor have I. Stange isn’t it? We can talk about so many things, and there is so much openness in the family but in this regard we both steer clear. Guess it is emotional survival on both our parts.

 And then there’s Jakie. His job is great- he is mostly responsible, and he still acts like I  am in charge. Guess my ego needs that from time to time. Of course since I have been out of town in San Francisco my mind wanders to just what him and  his girlfriend, DJ are getting away with. I am sure she is spending the night at the house most nights. I swore to myself I wouldn’t ask.  Don’t ask don’t tell…that is my new personal motto!

01247.jpg    I am in a state of “what do I feel now” as once again Jeff was arrested. Liz called to tell me he was arrested last night, and that she is not going to bother with assisting him getting out. I completely understand. I don’t have words right now. I shall return to my journal when I do. All I know right now, this moment, is my heart hurts.

lovve.jpg   I gave in…and I tell myself it is in the name of love.

There will come a time when I stop, but for today it didn’t happen. I paid Jeff’s rent despite knowing he pissed away 200 dollars on partying. I can talk until I am blue in the face but he doesn’t get it. So, I have given him the speech I gave Liz right before I stopped giving her a lot of money. Maybe it will sink in, maybe it won’t, but I can say this….

I am just about done and can feel it. I don’t mind helping when they are doing the right thing, but when they are doing the wrong thing, at their age, it should be on them…not me.

Another 475 dollars in support of Jeff’s partying habit. Sheesh when will I learn?

images.jpeg     I unleashed the rage on Liz and though some was hers to own some was not. I had called Liz three times and left her one-txt message and still no phone call. Finally after 11:30 p.m. she calls me. I went off on her about her overdrawn bank account and how her she was irresponsible in allowing her account to get into this state. She tried to explain but I wouldn’t hear it. There’s no reason that is acceptable. If you don’t have money you don’t spend money – PERIOD. I went on and on about how she doesn’t give her money situation much thought because she knows I will bail her out. Ok, but this time I am crying. I am so tired of spending every dime on Liz and Jeff and them feeling entitled to the funds. It isn’t that I mind helping. I mind them thinking I have to help, and allowing me to do so continuously. I care that they don’t care that I cannot do anything fun or interesting because all my time, energy and money goes to keep them afloat.All this was not just Liz’ responsibility, but to me it was. I had talked to Jeff earlier as he had called a day or two ago and stated he needed help with his rent. Jeff gets so mad when I question him as to where his money goes so it makes every conversation a chore. He doesn’t get it ..If I am funding something I am entitled to reasons and I am obligated to talk to him about how he spends his money and why he cannot pay his own rent. (more…)

My cup doesn’t runneth over, and the fact that the kids think it does often sticks in my craw. I received a call from Jeff today about help with his rent. When I advised him that just two or three days ago he had 600 dollars in his account, which was enough to cover his rent, he stated that he spent part of it on necessities. Is going out to eat a necessity? I asked him that, to which he stated, “Well Liz wanted to go out and you know I had to pay for her. She doesn’t have any money.” I tried to point out that going out to eat was a necessity. Jeff just doesn’t really see it because he knows I am always hear plucking that money tree I must have in the backyard ensuring his financial security for one more month. Although Jeff asks for money he normally (sometimes) pays me back. As he said this time when he asked I could take the money back on the 8th when he gets paid. He tried to go into that spiel of how he always pays me back. I reminded him that when he was away at drill for three weeks I paid his rent and haven’t taken it back, and I haven’t taken back the deposit for this new apartment I forked out. He doesn’t always have money, and it serves me no purpose to take it back if he has to call and ask me for it the next day.Jeff thinks I help Liz and never expect it back. Thus far Liz hasn’t been able to pay it back, so yes I haven’t expected all my many hundreds of dollars back from Liz. That said, it should be noted that Liz isn’t out spending my money on parties and such. I have given her just enough to pay bills, and I know she wasn’t misappropriating it as she didn’t have a job at the time so there was no money to spend other than what I gave her.

Kids, they just don’t get it that parents are not made of money. My money tree is dying off, actually it died off long ago I just fake having it most of the time. I give to them and go without myself, which seems wrong since they are supposed to be adults living on their own.

Liz called me shortly after Jeff did and yes, it was about money too. A bit different, and in a round about way, but still about money. Liz had an interview today for a second job as a receptionist, and from what she said she got it. YEAH! She supposedly starts in two weeks. 23 hours a week, which is great and she can still keep her waitress job as well. So in two plus weeks she might be back to completely self sufficient. So exciting for me! Of course there’s a catch. She needs clothes, nicer closthes as this place is a bit snobby and uppity. I told her when she comes home on the 11th we can go pick up a few pair of slacks and blouses. Buying in Santa Barbara is too expensive so when she comes home we can go to the cheapie stores. Sure the clothes might not last as long but she can worry about that when they fall apart; by then she can buy her new clothing with her own money.

After work I settled into dozing on the couch while I watched Big Brother (I really am a reality TV junkie) and remembered Jeff’s rent money. I called him and told him he needed exactly 239 dollars to cover his rent (he had some money in his account). I informed him he wouldn’t have a dime, not one-dime until the 8th when he got paid and asked how much money he wanted me to put in his account. I was willing to go over the 239 some, as I knew I was going to take it back. Jeff was obviously busy as I heard music in the background. He told me he was out with friends but he was NOT spending money. I honestly can’t say I believe that but I was more annoyed that I was going out of my way to help him and he wasn’t willing to stop socializing for even a minute or two and talk to me about it. I told him when he was done with his friends and being irresponsible to call me.

No call, no call…and yes, no call.

Finally, I just text messaged him and asked what he wanted. I advised him if I didn’t hear from him that he would get nothing. I am sure he will call later, and at this point I don’t plan to pick the phone up. He can call me later, at my convenience not his.

Money..grow on trees…..yeah right.