A day of nothing but sitting is sometimes welcomed, but on the heels of such a day came drama. Of course, it’s my life would be foolish to think a day would pass that had peace and easy feelings.Liz called early afternoon- small talk which was nice. She hadn’t even truly realized she and I had not really spoken since Thanksgiving. She started talking about Christmas and I informed her that I wasn’t feeling all that festive this year; most likely would not be purchasing a tree and we would just wing the this holiday season. Liz’s reaction was what I expected – shock – “What no tree?” I reminded Liz how Thanksgiving went. All she could think to say is “You never let anything go.” Ok, well that is true, but that wasn’t the point. I told her that Thanksgiving was done for the family; mostly at Liz’s request as I originally wanted to go out, and that so called **family** day didn’t turn out grand. Liz said something to the effect about Christmas not being just about me. I was speechless and too tired to fight about it. I just told Liz to rethink her comment and we would revisit the idea of Christmas later; however I pointed out we could have the small family get together at her house. She is young and in the holiday spirit – why not start a new tradition.

Shortly after Liz came over we got a bite to eat together and just shared some time. Nothing good nor bad happened; which was something quite nice considering our last time shared.

During the time Liz and I were together I mentioned I got a call from Jake’s high school stating he had missed one or more classes on Wednesday. Liz said she knew because she called him on that day and could tell he wasn’t in class. Liz lectured Jake briefly about not cutting school. I asked why she didn’t tell me she indicated it was something that slipped her mind. Again, she has not been out of school that long where she cannot recall the occasional day of cutting. She told me she thought Jake was a friend’s house playing the new Halo game.

Since I have been telling Jake if he cuts school his car will be taken away (though I am not a great follow through mother) I decided this was the time I would make a stand. I was going to take Jake’s car away for the weekend.

After Liz left I called Jake’s cell. He was down the street at the neighbors. I asked Jake about school on Wednesday. Jake stated that he had left one period to come home and use the restroom (sounds strange but the bathrooms at school are not only filthy but can be dangerous – all my kids have always come home to use the bathroom). I asked how much school he missed. He said “not much.” My response was “Oh really – well I called the school and they said you were out all day.” There was no sound from the other side of the phone – “Jake” I said. “So were you or were you not at school?” Still silent, and then finally a response – “No.” I told Jake to get home and he did.

When he arrived I of course went into the subject on a deeper level. What’s expected of him etc etc. I told him I was taking his car away for the weekend, and if I didn’t really sense improvement he would not be driving at all. He could go back to taking the bus to school. As always I end up crying. Jake’s fully aware of the drama in this house as he lives here. I told Jake with as little as he is expected to do going to school and passing, trying to excel is not too much to ask. So when he chooses to blow off the only thing expected of him it is a very big deal. Jake acts like nothing bothers him but my distress effects him. He’s like “Don’t cry mom it isn’t a big deal.” All the while saying it his eyes tearing up. My almost 17 year old boy almost at tears because I am.

I reminded Jake that Jeff got off track and remains off track. I just can’t sit by and let that happen to another. So if I appear harsh and unbendable that is why. I will continue to be this way when needed.

Oh, and I must not forget good old Jeff. Jeff and I have barely spoken since the incident the other night; barely does mean barely I think he said “uhh” walking down the hallway. So he calls me this afternoon and asks where my father lives (as you can tell he isn’t close to him) because he and his friend are in Lake Isabella. I told him that he is no where close to my father as he lives in Lake Elizabeth. Jeff started to laugh and sounded strange so I asked “have you been drinking?” Of course Jeff was immediately offended. He had a few choice words to say to me. I told Jeff I only asked because he is in the canyon and has to drive down that very dangerous road and if he and his friend had been drinking I wanted them to stay put. Also, the weather isn’t great with ice, snow and fog it is even more dangerous. Jeff just said “Don’t worry about it Mom” and hung up.

Funny – Don’t worry about it – that is not even something I can grab on to. I have been worrying since the day each one of them was born. I don’t even know how to live a life free from worry!

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