I am becoming more and more anxious at the very thought of Jeff’s court date on December 21st. I cannot go along with Jeff as he reverts to a kid with the mental state of a two year old in that terrible two state of mind. The next best thing was worked out. Geoff will be going with him. Jeff seems to be able to pull off a grown up state of mind in Geoff’s presence.

Today I asked Jeff what his plans were. After all he’s asking the judge to terminate his probation so he can enter into the Marines. Logically the questions will be – when will you be enlisting? That was not a question Jeff wanted to answer. That upsets me. How can he not think all this through? I suppose my mind is leading me to the thought that he will not enlist at all. It isn’t that I want him to join the Marines; now my mind wanders to will he survive if he doesn’t?

I guess all I can do is wait to see what happens. Jake tells me that Jeff has already mentioned wanting to go up to Basslake after court and stay for about a month. That tells me he isn’t going to immediately join the Marines. I asked Jeff and he informed me he was going to get into shape. Also, be away from here and his friends. Jeff’s never been able to stay at the lake very long. He’s mean to his father and grandparents. Not abusive but very disrespectful. Again, I guess I will just have to wait and see what the day(s) bring.

The worst part of parenthood sometimes is waiting for what will be. Sometimes living through what is – is far less difficult.

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