January 2005


Jeff’s sad tonight – or seems to be. He came home and told me his recruiter called him today and he might be leaving for boot camp sooner than expected. The fear that comes with the knowledge of him going is excruciating. I know this is for the best. I know his future with the friends, hanging out, and drinking was a disaster waiting to happen.I love him so very much and am proud of the changes he is trying to implement in his life.

Liz is almost packed up and ready for her move to the beach. I am going to miss her. I have to eat my words “I won’t miss them when they go” So here I am missing Liz and Jeff already before they even leave.

Liz says I am going to miss her most because she does all the grocery shopping ( I HATE shopping – even grocery shopping). I have already tried to prime Jacob into the thinking of being the shopper. I am not sure a 16 year old boy can ever get in that mindset, but I will continue to work on it.

I guess the empty nest syndrome does exist!

I must stay focused and supportive! It will be difficult as the fear rolling through my veins is growing. Today, January 5th will be a day to remember. Jeff went to court today and the motion to terminate his probation was granted. Jeff’s free; free to chase his desires of a military career. I know that I should be filled with pride; maybe I am but for right now I am also filled with fear.

After court Geoff drove Jeff to the recruiter’s office where Jeff started the process of signing his life away. It’s really going to happen. He’s going to be a Marine. My concern is not just his safety; what about his desire. Does he really want this? Does he feel this is his only life option? I want to ask him these things but I know Jeff and he will feel as if I am being less than supportive.

I have to be honest my stomach, head, heart – every thing hurts. Is this the best thing for him? Is he worse off at home? Geoff tried to assure me that for Jeff this is a very good thing. He will grow up, get focused and become a young man instead of the punk he is. Deep in my gut I think that is true, but I am a mother – and my gut is saying so many things right now.

All I can really say over and over again is…” Dear God, please watch over my son.”

The Few – The Proud – The Marines – my son.