I must stay focused and supportive! It will be difficult as the fear rolling through my veins is growing. Today, January 5th will be a day to remember. Jeff went to court today and the motion to terminate his probation was granted. Jeff’s free; free to chase his desires of a military career. I know that I should be filled with pride; maybe I am but for right now I am also filled with fear.

After court Geoff drove Jeff to the recruiter’s office where Jeff started the process of signing his life away. It’s really going to happen. He’s going to be a Marine. My concern is not just his safety; what about his desire. Does he really want this? Does he feel this is his only life option? I want to ask him these things but I know Jeff and he will feel as if I am being less than supportive.

I have to be honest my stomach, head, heart – every thing hurts. Is this the best thing for him? Is he worse off at home? Geoff tried to assure me that for Jeff this is a very good thing. He will grow up, get focused and become a young man instead of the punk he is. Deep in my gut I think that is true, but I am a mother – and my gut is saying so many things right now.

All I can really say over and over again is…” Dear God, please watch over my son.”

The Few – The Proud – The Marines – my son.

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