October 2005


I feel like I am drowning in parental issues. No matter what we do for our children (adults) it sometimes feels overwhelming. Talking to Jeff tonight reminded me of this. We talked about the drinking issue and still I feel like I am hitting myself up against a brick wall. He finally told me he wasn’t just ticketed the other night for drinking at IVY but he was arrested. Arrested again is all I could think. We talked it through again (seems like that is all I do now days). I told him I was worried for his future and it seemed to me that he was doing less drinking but drinking just the same and getting himself into trouble. He goes to court on Wednesday and will find out about the fine for drunk in public. I told him I wasn’t sure that I could give him the money for the fine (lets me honest it is me and if I can manage it I probably will). My greatest concern is his Military status. What will happen there? I guess I will just have to wait and see, but waiting for a parent, even a parent of an adult child is so difficult.After Jeff and I get done speaking about all the needs he has I speak to Liz. Liz’s car has broke down and she didn’t call to tell us. When I asked why this was she said that last time we talked of her car I told her she was an adult and needed to take care of the maintenance. Ok, I said that but did I mean it? I am worried she will drive it anyway; even with the leak and faulty breaks. Why, because kids (young adults) don’t think things through all the time and knowing Liz (who often makes remarks like Jessican Simpson) she would drive it to work saying I didn’t know that no water in the engine meant the car would blow up.

I got home from work almost unable to breath. When it rains it pours when it comes to needs of adult children. Doesn’t help that Liz and Jeff live together so when someone calls asking for food money I know they both need it.

I feel very alone – Geoff is here saying we will get through this, and I suppose I know he is right. I just don’t feel that way right now. Right now I feel like not again! My children are great people. I just wish they would act on that greatness more often. This learning my trial and error may be the death of their mother.

I can’t even begin to think what Jake is up to- better yet what he is getting away with. Unlike Jeff, Jake isn’t an in your face kind of kid. If he is going to do something wrong – dammit he is going to be sneaky about it.

More of the saga and overly dramatic reports from an overwhelmed mother to follow.

 

As much as things change that is just how much they stay the same. My birthday has come and gone (thank goodness) with a few Happy Birthdays and a lot of depressing moments. I just can’t believe I am 41 with three almost grown children. So, Liz and Jake were big on my birthday. Trying to get me out and about, but since I wasn’t feeling well I had a valid excuse in staying around the house. I talked to Jeff a time or two but he gave no warm wishes.So today, a day later, he called to say Happy Birthday. I reminded him my birthday was yesterday. He felt badly stated that although he spoke with me a few times yesterday he felt like a rat not wishing me well. It really wasn’t a big deal to me. During our conversation he asked for money (of course). “Only 25 dollars, Mom,” he said. When I asked what for he said, “nothing.” I told Jeff if he was going to ask me for money he best be prepared in telling me why he needs it.

Jeff informed me he had gotten a ticket for disorderly conduct: drunk in public. I was quiet. When Jeff asked why I was quiet I responded, “It just feels like nothing has changed.” Jeff did the whole it’s not my fault thing. I reminded Jeff he is not 21 and shouldn’t be drinking so if he was ticketed it was valid. Jeff said he was in a home drinking with friends and the apartment next door was having *issues* so the police were there. When Jeff walked outside to walk him they ticketed him. Actually, I don’t believe his story but there is no sense in me pressing him for it as it will always be skewed to project a not my fault aura. Jeff said he goes to court Wednesday and would just make payments on the fine but wanted me to give him the down for the fine; my answer, “No.”

Jeff was shocked I was appalled. “You’re mad – why are you mad, Mom?” I told Jeff I wasn’t mad – not at all- I was just very disappointed. Jeff acted like there was no cause for disappointment. I told Jeff it felt like nothing was different. All that he has been through was meaningless (including being a Marine) as he continues to make the same bad lifestyle choices. With all we went through getting him off probation so he could join the Marines, and all the sorrow and misery that Jeff has had to deal with as a result of the DUI, minor purchasing alcohol, and the NJP for minor consuming alcohol while in Virginia just what does Jeff not think is bad?

Alcohol is not something Jeff should have in his life. Granted, it is far less than ever before, but in my eyes one drink is one too much for Jeff. All I know is I can’t bail him out forever – so now I just sit and hope for the best.

Jeff vs. Alcohol – no brainer…Jeff will always lose – why can't he see that!