a parents memoirs

   It is a bottomless pit the pit that holds the worry of a parent. At times I think the worry will lessen, but it doesn't. I guess parents never really stop worrying we just worry about different things, or work through it differently than when the children were youngsters.

Today Jeff called to tell me he was applying for a loan to buy a motorcycle. Ok, my first response was negative. I immediately asked if had his license. He of course walked the fine line of truth and stretching the truth and stated he had a restricted license. When questioned further he stated that he didn't have the license yet, but would have it within the next week or two, just as soon as he completes the DUI classes.

My next statement was even more annoying to him. I told Jeff I was worried about him driving a motorcycle. First off he has only used a motorcycle in the past on vacations, and I mean like dirt bikes or mopeds, not real motorcycles. Jeff stated he had planned on taking lessons as he knew he needed to learn how to operate one safely. By this point I am not sure if he was just saying what he knew I needed to hear. I wasn't done yet, not by a long shot. I asked Jeff how safe he thought it was when you figure on how much he still drinks, and how often he makes very poor choices when he drinks. Jeff stated he wouldn't drink and drive. I reminded Jeff he said that before. I told Jeff that had he started showing more growth I wouldn't be as worried, but considering he still parties to the point of drunk I am concerned. I asked Jeff he was tired of drinking yet. He said "sorta." Sorta??? What do I say to that. I reminded Jeff that he would have to make the payment on a loan and these days it seems that most of his money goes to rent and booze. Jeff tried to talk the booze aside saying it was only 150 or 200 dollars a month. I pointed out that was a lot of money when you don't have much, but more importantly he spent more than that as I have access to his bank account and can see where his money goes.

I didn't get too upset as I know from past experience it doesn't change Jeff's mind. I just told him I loved him and didn't want him hurt and that is why I was not in favor of him getting a motorcycle.

My heart worries so for him. I wish I could make him do what I know is best for him. Only thing a parent of an adult can do is hope for the best. Beware of children they have the power to scare the hell out of you!