July 2006


  I decided not to say anything to Jake’s girlfriend, DJ. I know she was worried about having to face me knowing I knew she and Jacob had done the deed. Jake told me he made her aware of it, and although I wanted to discuss what I had found out I really thought about it. After all what purpose would it serve?

DJ did not come over for a few days. I asked Jake about it and he had no reasoning behind it. We both knew why she didn’t feel comfortable enough to come around.  Finally, a day or two after DJ messaged me on AIM. I guess she figured if we made small talk she could feel me out. The small talk occured two or three times until finally came over .

I could tell she was hoping we (ok me) didn’t bring the whole sex subject up. I didn’t and that set her at ease. Last night Jake had to work so DJ, Geoff and myself went to dinner. I sensed she was still a bit uneasy but at least we were heading in the right direction.  I have to get used to the fact that Jacob and his girlfriend don’t really want to share some things with me. Although I think they are too young for sexual intercourse, they are going to do whatever they think is best.

Today I was going through my usual myspace.com reads (stealing pictures from my kid’s sites for memory videos and such) I came across this authored by Jacob to his girlfriend DJ.

Hi babe i dont work today we get to hang out yay. I just want you to know i love you so much and i dont know what i would do without you. Your the best thing that ever happend to me. I am so happy hat God put you on this earth. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING

I feel odd about this. I know feelings are intense when sex is involved and young love, but I just feel odd about how intense this is. I have this gut feeling that this girl will be it for him. I like her, a lot, but if he never experiences things how will he ever be sure.

My thought at the moment…. BEWARE OF CHILDREN. Not because they are children, but because they grow up and have that stage of stupid young adult. I always use to joke I wouldn’t live through children, now I am not so sure I will make it through young adulthood.

*****

I talked to Jeff the other day he called for the usual fuck with my mother’s mind moment. He told me he went to court on his last arrest. When I asked what happened he sounded so serious. Jeff told me he received a 900 dollar fine and would have to do 20 days in jail. I was speechless and scared for him. He told me that if I wanted I could pay for an attorney to try and get him out of the 20 days jail. I immediately got quiet. First off why wouldn’t he pay for an attorney, and secondly, I didn’t think I could afford it and with that already felt I was failing him. Jeff was very carefree about the thought of having to spend 20 days in Jail. He kept saying no big deal and it will be like bootcamp.  After about 15 minutes Jeff decided it was time to clue me in. He was joking. All this was a joke. I could have killed him. I was so stressed and worried about the thought of him having to spend time in jail and to know he made it up was annoying. Jeff did go to court and was fined, but only 120 dollars. He had his licensed suspended for another year (which I thought was huge) but he seemed ok with it. Not sure why, as he was within 20 days of being able to obtain his license again. He did state that the court gave him a restricted license, which is good (maybe).

He did purchase a car from his friend a month or so ago, which he is still paying on so until it is paid off his friend is holding the vehicle. He will have to get special insurance, which I don’t think he can afford, but that is going to be an issue for him. I will say this, I am very worried about him driving. If he doesn’t have enough for the right insurance I believe he will drive anyway. If he doesn’t have a license to go everywhere and anywhere he will go anyway. He has shown by his actions that he is not done making very dumb choices, and for that reason I am worried for him. Alcohol and Jeff don’t go together at all. Alcohol, Jeff and a car is deadly.

*****

Liz has been laying low these days. She is working, which is a plus, but seems to be in a funk. Her and Adam #2 are at odds (again) and she just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t want her. He only wants her sometimes, and even then it isn’t a real desire. I feel like getting her that book He’s just not that into you. Why doesn’t she see what everyone else sees. Liz is so strong, yet her one obsession is Adam. I hope she grows tired of caring for someone who could not give a shit about her.

*****

On a side note: Elizabeth, Jeffrey and Jacob all start school soon. I cannot believe they are all in college. I am still unsure of the funding. It seems no one works as hard as making sure their financial aid applications and information is submitted than myself. I keep asking each one to do follow up things and I get the run around. I don’t think they understand that although I am Mommy they are adults, legal over the age of 18 adults, and their mommy cannot call the school and get information or followup for them. They have to do that, tell me what is needed, and then we go from there. At this rate no funding will be given to them and we will all be struggling through the next semesters.

As I said BEWARE OF CHILDREN! When they are young they are easily controlled. I only wish I could go back to those good ol’ days (ok only sometimes). Once they are older it is more difficult to control what is needed.

 

Ok, so this is me, and even I know myself well enough to know that keeping my mouth shut was a long shot, and I didn’t!

 Jake walked in around midnight and immediately said “look in the trash can, Jake.” Whatever could I mean? After all how many mother’s tell their kids to simply look into the trash can. Usually it is “Hey take the trash out.”

Jake glanced into the almost empy trashcan and resting visibly on top of the sonic drink cup was the used condom laying atop the condom wrapped. Jake’s response was …

Yeah, I see, Uh huh, what do you want me to say, Mom?

I just sat there and then my mouth opened up and words just spilled out. “Are you having sex?” I asked. He was honest, can’t fault him for that. “Yes, Mom, but at least I am being responsible.” Damn him did he have to be so matter of fact!! I reminded him that he had told me his girlfriend was a virgin, to which he stated, “She was.” Jake explained that he and his girlfriend had been talking for a few months about having sex, and it was HER that decided she wanted to. Jake further advised me that she is on birthcontrol as well as using condoms. I guess her mother took her to get on the pill after a discussion about her being ready to fuck my son.

I shouldn’t say fuck. When I made that reference Jake said “We aren’t fucking, Mom, we are making LOVE.” What the hell do you say to that. So I gave the you are too young speech. There are a lot of emotional feelings involved both are very young to deal with all those feelings. I went through the pregnancy talk, etc etc. I said it was disrespectful to “Make Love” in my house, and his response was, “where else are we supposed to go. You want it to be cheap for us when we do it.” Lordy, am I supposed to tell him to get it on in my own house. Jake stated he would never do it when I was home, and would never subject me to something like that.

I knew I couldn’t talk about it anymore as I was still reeling from finding the condom. We shall revisit the subject.

When I told a few co-workers what happened they all remarked how odd it was that my son could talk to me about these things. How it was odd he wasn’t humilated. I find it comforting to know we are close and can talk about the big things, but this is one of those things I wish I had not stumbled across.

That damn dog brought that damn used condom into my world, and now there is no going back.

   Oh my god!!   

I am sitting here minding my own business just watching a little bit of television and out comes the dog with something in his mouth. I pry it out of his crooked clentched teeth and what do I yank out…A CONDOM! First thought is he found it, in an enclosed wrapper and tore it open himself. After all he is a puppy eating everything. Maybe he got into our room, or just maybe it was found in Jake’s room as I did provide him with condoms a very long time ago (like a year ago) after I found out he had sex one time. I am not encouraging sexual activity, and I did have the normal talk about not being ready (blah blah blah) but I have to be realistic and know he needs to be protected if my mother talk didn’t work. Anyway…I threw the condom in the trash and went into Jake’s room to see where the dog might have gotten it. There was a wrapper under his desk (looks like it had been in his trash but the dog took it out) and it didn’t look chewed open it looked torn open. I went back to the trash and gently picked up the condom..it wasn’t exactly clean. I can’t lie to myself and say it was unused. So after washing my hands (yeah I washed them like 3 times) I sat on the couch thinking what next???

 He’s 18 and a steady girlfriend (who I thought was a virgin..why because they both told me that ..I will believe anything!) so why would I think they are not sexually active. I am on the fence about confronting him. I know he won’t like if I ask him, but what will asking accomplish? I can only thank the lucky stars I didn’t walk in on any sexual activity as I did years ago with Liz and Adam #1.

It’s so hard being a mother. It is even harder being a mother of young adults who really are just oversized kids still.