Jeff


I love the calls that start out “are you busy?” What is a mother supposed to say? Geoff and I are on vacation yet the calls come (beautiful isn’t it!). Okay,  first thing I thought something’s wrong, but she corrected me. She just wanted to talk. Wow, a call with no crisis behinid it, even on vacation thaat is a welcomed conversation.

She had a meeting with her boss. She got a two dollar an hour raise, and will be eligible for health insurance in 60 days. From no job, to two jobs, to more money and health insurance. Such a good feeling knowing your child is headed in the right direction!

Now, as for Jeff; who knows where he is headed. He hasn’t mentioned being arrested nor have I. Stange isn’t it? We can talk about so many things, and there is so much openness in the family but in this regard we both steer clear. Guess it is emotional survival on both our parts.

 And then there’s Jakie. His job is great- he is mostly responsible, and he still acts like I  am in charge. Guess my ego needs that from time to time. Of course since I have been out of town in San Francisco my mind wanders to just what him and  his girlfriend, DJ are getting away with. I am sure she is spending the night at the house most nights. I swore to myself I wouldn’t ask.  Don’t ask don’t tell…that is my new personal motto!

01247.jpg    I am in a state of “what do I feel now” as once again Jeff was arrested. Liz called to tell me he was arrested last night, and that she is not going to bother with assisting him getting out. I completely understand. I don’t have words right now. I shall return to my journal when I do. All I know right now, this moment, is my heart hurts.

lovve.jpg   I gave in…and I tell myself it is in the name of love.

There will come a time when I stop, but for today it didn’t happen. I paid Jeff’s rent despite knowing he pissed away 200 dollars on partying. I can talk until I am blue in the face but he doesn’t get it. So, I have given him the speech I gave Liz right before I stopped giving her a lot of money. Maybe it will sink in, maybe it won’t, but I can say this….

I am just about done and can feel it. I don’t mind helping when they are doing the right thing, but when they are doing the wrong thing, at their age, it should be on them…not me.

Another 475 dollars in support of Jeff’s partying habit. Sheesh when will I learn?

images.jpeg     I unleashed the rage on Liz and though some was hers to own some was not. I had called Liz three times and left her one-txt message and still no phone call. Finally after 11:30 p.m. she calls me. I went off on her about her overdrawn bank account and how her she was irresponsible in allowing her account to get into this state. She tried to explain but I wouldn’t hear it. There’s no reason that is acceptable. If you don’t have money you don’t spend money – PERIOD. I went on and on about how she doesn’t give her money situation much thought because she knows I will bail her out. Ok, but this time I am crying. I am so tired of spending every dime on Liz and Jeff and them feeling entitled to the funds. It isn’t that I mind helping. I mind them thinking I have to help, and allowing me to do so continuously. I care that they don’t care that I cannot do anything fun or interesting because all my time, energy and money goes to keep them afloat.All this was not just Liz’ responsibility, but to me it was. I had talked to Jeff earlier as he had called a day or two ago and stated he needed help with his rent. Jeff gets so mad when I question him as to where his money goes so it makes every conversation a chore. He doesn’t get it ..If I am funding something I am entitled to reasons and I am obligated to talk to him about how he spends his money and why he cannot pay his own rent. (more…)

My cup doesn’t runneth over, and the fact that the kids think it does often sticks in my craw. I received a call from Jeff today about help with his rent. When I advised him that just two or three days ago he had 600 dollars in his account, which was enough to cover his rent, he stated that he spent part of it on necessities. Is going out to eat a necessity? I asked him that, to which he stated, “Well Liz wanted to go out and you know I had to pay for her. She doesn’t have any money.” I tried to point out that going out to eat was a necessity. Jeff just doesn’t really see it because he knows I am always hear plucking that money tree I must have in the backyard ensuring his financial security for one more month. Although Jeff asks for money he normally (sometimes) pays me back. As he said this time when he asked I could take the money back on the 8th when he gets paid. He tried to go into that spiel of how he always pays me back. I reminded him that when he was away at drill for three weeks I paid his rent and haven’t taken it back, and I haven’t taken back the deposit for this new apartment I forked out. He doesn’t always have money, and it serves me no purpose to take it back if he has to call and ask me for it the next day.Jeff thinks I help Liz and never expect it back. Thus far Liz hasn’t been able to pay it back, so yes I haven’t expected all my many hundreds of dollars back from Liz. That said, it should be noted that Liz isn’t out spending my money on parties and such. I have given her just enough to pay bills, and I know she wasn’t misappropriating it as she didn’t have a job at the time so there was no money to spend other than what I gave her.

Kids, they just don’t get it that parents are not made of money. My money tree is dying off, actually it died off long ago I just fake having it most of the time. I give to them and go without myself, which seems wrong since they are supposed to be adults living on their own.

Liz called me shortly after Jeff did and yes, it was about money too. A bit different, and in a round about way, but still about money. Liz had an interview today for a second job as a receptionist, and from what she said she got it. YEAH! She supposedly starts in two weeks. 23 hours a week, which is great and she can still keep her waitress job as well. So in two plus weeks she might be back to completely self sufficient. So exciting for me! Of course there’s a catch. She needs clothes, nicer closthes as this place is a bit snobby and uppity. I told her when she comes home on the 11th we can go pick up a few pair of slacks and blouses. Buying in Santa Barbara is too expensive so when she comes home we can go to the cheapie stores. Sure the clothes might not last as long but she can worry about that when they fall apart; by then she can buy her new clothing with her own money.

After work I settled into dozing on the couch while I watched Big Brother (I really am a reality TV junkie) and remembered Jeff’s rent money. I called him and told him he needed exactly 239 dollars to cover his rent (he had some money in his account). I informed him he wouldn’t have a dime, not one-dime until the 8th when he got paid and asked how much money he wanted me to put in his account. I was willing to go over the 239 some, as I knew I was going to take it back. Jeff was obviously busy as I heard music in the background. He told me he was out with friends but he was NOT spending money. I honestly can’t say I believe that but I was more annoyed that I was going out of my way to help him and he wasn’t willing to stop socializing for even a minute or two and talk to me about it. I told him when he was done with his friends and being irresponsible to call me.

No call, no call…and yes, no call.

Finally, I just text messaged him and asked what he wanted. I advised him if I didn’t hear from him that he would get nothing. I am sure he will call later, and at this point I don’t plan to pick the phone up. He can call me later, at my convenience not his.

Money..grow on trees…..yeah right.

  I decided not to say anything to Jake’s girlfriend, DJ. I know she was worried about having to face me knowing I knew she and Jacob had done the deed. Jake told me he made her aware of it, and although I wanted to discuss what I had found out I really thought about it. After all what purpose would it serve?

DJ did not come over for a few days. I asked Jake about it and he had no reasoning behind it. We both knew why she didn’t feel comfortable enough to come around.  Finally, a day or two after DJ messaged me on AIM. I guess she figured if we made small talk she could feel me out. The small talk occured two or three times until finally came over .

I could tell she was hoping we (ok me) didn’t bring the whole sex subject up. I didn’t and that set her at ease. Last night Jake had to work so DJ, Geoff and myself went to dinner. I sensed she was still a bit uneasy but at least we were heading in the right direction.  I have to get used to the fact that Jacob and his girlfriend don’t really want to share some things with me. Although I think they are too young for sexual intercourse, they are going to do whatever they think is best.

Today I was going through my usual myspace.com reads (stealing pictures from my kid’s sites for memory videos and such) I came across this authored by Jacob to his girlfriend DJ.

Hi babe i dont work today we get to hang out yay. I just want you to know i love you so much and i dont know what i would do without you. Your the best thing that ever happend to me. I am so happy hat God put you on this earth. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING

I feel odd about this. I know feelings are intense when sex is involved and young love, but I just feel odd about how intense this is. I have this gut feeling that this girl will be it for him. I like her, a lot, but if he never experiences things how will he ever be sure.

My thought at the moment…. BEWARE OF CHILDREN. Not because they are children, but because they grow up and have that stage of stupid young adult. I always use to joke I wouldn’t live through children, now I am not so sure I will make it through young adulthood.

*****

I talked to Jeff the other day he called for the usual fuck with my mother’s mind moment. He told me he went to court on his last arrest. When I asked what happened he sounded so serious. Jeff told me he received a 900 dollar fine and would have to do 20 days in jail. I was speechless and scared for him. He told me that if I wanted I could pay for an attorney to try and get him out of the 20 days jail. I immediately got quiet. First off why wouldn’t he pay for an attorney, and secondly, I didn’t think I could afford it and with that already felt I was failing him. Jeff was very carefree about the thought of having to spend 20 days in Jail. He kept saying no big deal and it will be like bootcamp.  After about 15 minutes Jeff decided it was time to clue me in. He was joking. All this was a joke. I could have killed him. I was so stressed and worried about the thought of him having to spend time in jail and to know he made it up was annoying. Jeff did go to court and was fined, but only 120 dollars. He had his licensed suspended for another year (which I thought was huge) but he seemed ok with it. Not sure why, as he was within 20 days of being able to obtain his license again. He did state that the court gave him a restricted license, which is good (maybe).

He did purchase a car from his friend a month or so ago, which he is still paying on so until it is paid off his friend is holding the vehicle. He will have to get special insurance, which I don’t think he can afford, but that is going to be an issue for him. I will say this, I am very worried about him driving. If he doesn’t have enough for the right insurance I believe he will drive anyway. If he doesn’t have a license to go everywhere and anywhere he will go anyway. He has shown by his actions that he is not done making very dumb choices, and for that reason I am worried for him. Alcohol and Jeff don’t go together at all. Alcohol, Jeff and a car is deadly.

*****

Liz has been laying low these days. She is working, which is a plus, but seems to be in a funk. Her and Adam #2 are at odds (again) and she just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t want her. He only wants her sometimes, and even then it isn’t a real desire. I feel like getting her that book He’s just not that into you. Why doesn’t she see what everyone else sees. Liz is so strong, yet her one obsession is Adam. I hope she grows tired of caring for someone who could not give a shit about her.

*****

On a side note: Elizabeth, Jeffrey and Jacob all start school soon. I cannot believe they are all in college. I am still unsure of the funding. It seems no one works as hard as making sure their financial aid applications and information is submitted than myself. I keep asking each one to do follow up things and I get the run around. I don’t think they understand that although I am Mommy they are adults, legal over the age of 18 adults, and their mommy cannot call the school and get information or followup for them. They have to do that, tell me what is needed, and then we go from there. At this rate no funding will be given to them and we will all be struggling through the next semesters.

As I said BEWARE OF CHILDREN! When they are young they are easily controlled. I only wish I could go back to those good ol’ days (ok only sometimes). Once they are older it is more difficult to control what is needed.

0591114136_arrested.jpg     How can I help him!!! I really don’t know what to do, or if doing nothing is the only thing I can do. Arrested, yet again, and for all the wrong reasons (I think). Bowling was never this dangerous when I was a kid, so what has changed? Is the version of what took place skewed? After all those involved in the incident are most likely minimizing what really transpired.

So Jeff was sticking up for Liz. That much I think is great thing, but the fact that they both put themselves in the position they did shows how much they have yet to learn. I still don’t know what started the incident, or just how it went down. A few beers for both and a few bad attitudes I suppose. When all is said and done, in my eyes, if there had been no alcohol consumed maybe this incident could have been avoided.
Bouncers which flexed their muscles on both of my children; how does a mother wrap her mind around that. Just would could a 100 pound girl do that would require a bouncer to put her to the ground. Ok, so the kissing of the cement done by Liz and Jeff came after a verbal altercation with other bowlers – still Liz has never been in this type of arena.

I have to say my heart felt good to know that Jeff got between Liz and others when he thought Liz was being attacked. Sure, some chick was just yelling words at her, but when someone gets in your sister’s face while you are waiting for a cab what’s a brother to do. I want to scream WALK AWAY but I know no one can hear me and even if I could have told them what does good ol’ mom know.

So, loud voice and some intoxicated male egos and two siblings get their date with the ground. You would think it would pass quickly. Calm everyone down and move everyone on their way, but no, of course not we are talking about my kids. The surrounding area filled with spectators, people yelling and fueling the fire and the bouncers doing everything they were trained not to do. When all was said and done, while Jeff was held with his hands behind his back, a bouncer walked in front of him and YANKED his dog tags off. This was the point where Jeff was crushed; Liz said Jeff really lost it, screaming like he was running up a hill in battle. How disrespectful can someone be? My heart is broken each and every time I think of the very thing Jeff holds so dear being torn off his neck. How can someone be that disrespectful to a person, a state of mind, and our country. Jeff is a Marine and he will always be that, and those who benefit from the people serving our country (in any way) should think twice before they do such horrible things.

By this time the police where there and threatening arrest of Liz as well. Jeff arrested for public intoxication (though Liz said he only had two beers – Jeff has been known to drink 20+ beers so 2 beers are nothing. One must remember he is 20 years old and there is a zero tolerance when it comes to under age drinking).

I don’t know much else other than Jeff was still in jail when Liz finally spilled the beans at 1:30 p.m. She said he was arrested the night before around midnight and each and every time she called the jail they gave her the run around. First they told her they would be holding him longer than 8 hours. Last I heard Liz had been told that they were going to release him later today. I still know nothing, and there’s no one to call. Liz prefaced providing me with any information with “You can’t tell Jeff you know.” I guess he will tell him in his own time, but still I want to reach out and let him know that while I don’t agree with his choices (drinking) I love him and want to be there for him in emotional support.

Liz said she tried to call me last night at 1 a.m. and I didn’t answer. I later found out she called Jake and sobbed for hours. Jake was extremely tired today and I had no idea why until just a little while ago. Apparently Jake talked to his sister via cell phone half the night to calm her down. He made some middle of the night calls to the jail trying to gather information about Jeff. I think the one positive thing I can take away from this (if there is anything positive) is that Jeff, Liz and Jake are there for each other no matter what, and for that I am glad.

No matter what…I ache for my children tonight. I want everyone home and safe, and I am just mad as hell that I can’t make that happen. A mother of adults has no power; the state of powerlessness is a dark and dismal place.

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